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By Reuben Abati 

“Bros how you dey oh”

“Omo, body still dey inside cloth. We dey push am.” 

How for do? Man no die, man no leave one place, all of us just dey.” 

“God works in mysterious ways.”

“But how you come take this their cabinet reshuffle?”

 “Underwhelming. An anti-climax. What is all the noise about? I can’t see it.” 

“Which noise?”

“The President had announced the cabinet reshuffle a month ago. Then he travelled abroad and we were told he didn’t want to be put under pressure by anybody. Then he returns from England and France and he says, he is announcing eight key actions to boost efficiency. I don’t see what he has done that will increase any efficiency.” 

“The Ministry of the Niger Delta is now a Ministry of Regional Development. That is something in case you are looking for something.”

“Just a bloated bureaucracy. The Ministry of Niger Delta caters to the interest of the oil producing states which stretch beyond the South South. It includes states like Imo, Abia and Ondo. How about the people of the North Central. They have HYPADEC but that is a development Commission focusing on hydro power. The North East Development Commission is targeted at banditry. I don’t see a convergence.  What I see is confusion. I can’t see light or sense in the decision.” 

“Maybe you will see sense then in the merger of the Ministry of Tourism with the Ministry of Arts, Culture and the Creative Economy.”

“No. I do not either. The Ministry of Tourism is so important. It should stand on its own. We may have had a Minister who could not rise to the occasion, but what is the point, subordinating the Ministry to another Ministry that already has its hands full.”

“Come off it. Tourism is not that strategic.”

“You say? Oh my. Oh my. Can you just listen to yourself? Are you aware that some countries depend on tourism for revenue? People visit countries like France, Spain, United States, Italy, Turkey, Morocco, the UK, Greece, Kenya, South Africa, Egypt, Japan, China, Maldives, United Arab Emirates because those countries have something to offer. The number of people who visit your country is a measure of how welcoming, attractive, risk-averse your country is.   In Spain, tourism is such a major part of the local economy that the locals in cities like San Sebastian are even protesting that tourists should stay away from their city. They are complaining about over-tourism. The people of Canary Islands are also protesting. They say tourists are pushing up rentals, pricing out locals. Residents in Italy and Greece have also taken to the streets. In a year, about 90 million people visit Spain. Over a 100 million visit France. The potential in that industry is so huge, there was no point merging the Ministry with another one. The President doesn’t get it. I wonder who advised him on that course of action.” 

“The statement that they issued was signed by the Presidency. No name. No date. Who is the Presidency? Too many flip flops.” 

“Imagine that.”

“They have also gone back to the old days of the National Sports Commission by scrapping the Ministry of Sports.”

Now, I don’t get it. I don’t get it because I thought John Enoh was doing a good job as Minister of Sports. He came across as a very enthusiastic man. Now they have demoted him, making him the Minister of State, Industry, Trade and Investment.”

“He would be working with someone that I think knows her subject though. Dr Jumoke Oduwole has a significant and relevant experience having served previously as a Special Adviser to the President on PEBEC, ease of doing business and Investment Law. Her experience and expertise combined with Enoh’s energy and enthusiasm, if they can forge a good working relationship, may help.” 

“But as for the man in the Sports Commission, Shehu Dikko, he is basically a football person. We need to grow the sports sector beyond football, and develop other sports. Does he have a broad view of the assignment?  Already his colleagues in Football House are already saying the appointment is for them, not just one man. My view is that there is so much potential in sports that Nigeria can develop, beyond the obsession with football.”

“By the way, your friend Sunday Dare is back. He is now Special Adviser to the President on Public Communication and Orientation.”  

“Meaning what? They say he is going to be in the Ministry of Information, not the Presidency. To do what exactly in the Ministry? The Ministry already has a Director-General of the National Orientation Agency. There is a Minister. It would have been best to name Dare Minister of State, to give him a leverage instead of hanging him afloat between the Ministry and the Presidency”.

“I want to think the President knows what he is doing. It is his prerogative to hire and fire. The discretion is his. He can delegate as he wishes.” 

“Is that why he has Yorubas all over the place in all the important positions? It is his right to run a government as he deems fit. But it is also our right to talk. Nobody can stop us from talking.”

“Yes. You have been talking and talking. What difference has your talk, talk ever made? Talk. Keep talking. Are you aware that this cabinet reshuffle was based on a review of performance of the Ministers by the Central Delivery Co-ordination Unit led by Ms. Hadiza Bala-Usman? The reshuffle is based on empirical facts and findings”

“That is a lie. Have you seen the report by Hadiza Bala-Usman?”

“N��.”

“So, why would you or anyone jump to the conclusion that the President followed her recommendations? I don’t think so. The President sacks five Ministers, appoints seven new ones, and redeploys 10 Ministers.  He used to have 45 Ministers, now he has ended up with 48, with four from Ogun State alone!” 

“His prerogative sir!”

“Stop saying it is his prerogative. Is that a new word you just learnt? We are all in this together. This is a democracy, and the last time I checked we have the right to talk. The President removed the Minister of Women Affairs. Okay, I agree, the woman was very controversial, but very loyal. She must be grateful she was made a Minister in the first place. Lola Ade-John, Jamila Bio Ibrahim, and Abdullahi Gwarzo – those ones left the same way they came quietly. But why would the President remove a man like Tahir Mamman, former Vice Chancellor, former DG of the Nigerian Law School and replace him with a medical doctor from Lagos State. I know they say Dr. Alausa is also a university person, but what is Professor Tahir Mamman’s offence” 

“I can only think of two things. He was Vice Chancellor of a university belonging to the Vice-Presidential candidate of the Labour Party in the 2023 general elections. He has also been very controversial with all this talk about age eligibility for university admissions. That is one policy that will be scrapped, you will see, because it only hurts people from the South.”

“There are many other Ministers that Nigerians would have preferred to be turned adrift from the cabinet. The Ministers in critical positions should have been sent away. You are talking about controversy. Wike is the most controversial person in that cabinet. The President could have scored a goal by going for the big ones to signal a change of direction. He sacks the easy ones, and tells us about “eight key actions”. I beg.”

“Mr. Bayo Onanuga has said in one television interview that the cabinet reshuffle reflects the feelings and opinions of Nigerians.” 

“That is, again, a lie. I don’t know anybody who thinks this goes far enough or that it is any important message. No. I insist. No”

“I think the President is going somewhere. For all you know, he may be testing waters. If he wakes up two months down the line and he says he wants to change the cabinet again, can anyone query him? The answer is No.”

“The Senate can reject his nominees”

“Which Senate? This 10^th National Assembly will rubber stamp anything President Bola Tinubu brings to them. I can bet on that.”

“There you are!”

“But I am still convinced that this President is going somewhere that we may not know yet. He has just for example said no Minister should go about with more than three official vehicles and five security details.” 

“That is like saying nothing. In 2003, the Obasanjo administration introduced a monetization policy to cover vehicle loans, domestic staff, accommodation – the whole range. I am not aware that the policy has been abrogated. Under President Jonathan, no Minister used more than three cars by the way. How? Why? But today, Ministers use sirens and fly flags in what is clearly a break-down of law and order.” 

“One by one, President Tinubu will get there”

“Oh yes, by the time we have all lost flesh. The government keeps getting fatter, we are asked to make sacrifices and be patient. What stops the President from reducing his cabinet to a team of just 16 persons? I don’t even know the names of most of the Ministers because they have done nothing, said nothing, and yet they enjoy privileges. I even hear that some people are saying a new aircraft should be bought for the Vice President.”

“Poor fellow. I heard he could not go to the Commonwealth Summit because his aircraft had an incident in JFK Airport in New York. The President has bought an aircraft for himself. The Navy has bought a yacht.  They should buy something for the VP too.”

“Now you are talking from both sides of the mouth. And you know I do not like hypocrisy.”

“So, what do you want me to say? The Speaker of the Borno House of Assembly says the life of the VP is at risk, because his aircraft is bad. Why should the VP travel about in a faulty aircraft?” 

“He can travel commercial”

“Hen hen. Just don’t play Ngbati politics with me. Your Yoruba brother can enjoy luxury, but the Borrno man should manage. This is the problem with us in this country.””

“The problem with all Nigerians is that we tend to see everything form an ethnic or personal angle. This is why an Asari Dokubo would have the guts to say that President Tinubu has disappointed him. What does he want? Him too wan be Minister?”

“I am sorry, you are losing me. I don’t want to talk about Asari Dokubo, Bobrisky, Very Dark Man or this musician, what do they call him? Portable.”

“It pains me though that Nigeria was not at the Commonwealth Summit in Samoa. I know we sent the Minister of Environment but the VP would have been a better fit to speak on the key issues of climate change and reparations.” 

“Your Minister of Environment is one of those persons that I think are sleep-walking through this administration. I have seen the Vice President in action before. He is smarter, far more intelligent than most of the Ministers. Well read. Suave. Good choice. But as for the Ministers, I beg” 

“What a world we live in? Who would have thought the subject of reparation would come back on the table? I recall that this was Chief MKO Abiola’s project, he wanted the injustice of the British Empire to be addressed. Now the Caribbean countries are saying yes, this is the way to go.”

“Don’t mind the British. They have forgotten that in 1833, the same Britain paid reparations for the slave trade between the 15^thand 19^th Centuries, but now in 2024, the Prime Minister, Keir Starmer and King Charles III are now saying we should talk about the past, but we should focus on the future. No reparations. No apologies. And Rachel Reeves, the Chancellor, says there is no money to give anybody but Britain can offer reparatory justice. Justice as they would define it.”

“Can you blame them? The Labour Party in Britain is at this moment trying to prevent austerity, by seeking ways to plug a black hole of about 22 billion pounds, cut public sector spending, raise taxes including National Insurance, and reform the NHS.  Not the right time to pay reparations and they won’t. Tomorrow, Rachel Reeves will unveil the Starmer administration’s budget. I miss MKO”

“MKO is our man oh. He fought for reparation. It is good to see that his idea lives. All the former British colonies in the South Pacific, Australia and CARICOM are calling for reparations. Last week in Canberra, Australia, the King was booed at the House of Parliament by Senator Linda Thorpe, an indigenous, First Nation lawmaker who screamed – You are Not my King!”   

“I am sure we will hear more, particularly now that an African is the new Secretary General of the Commonwealth. Shirley Botchwey, Ghana’s Minister of Foreign Affairs and Regional Integration. She follows in the footsteps of Nigeria’s Chief Emeka Anyaoku.” 

“Great man. Great.  Unfortunately, the Tinubu administration is not grooming or appointing new diplomats. It has been more than a year since Nigeria recalled its ambassadors from all over the world. They are yet to be replaced. Why? A government that says it is interested in global investments should have ambassadors all over the world. Why not? The world is changing, re-aligning, look at BRICS. India, Russia, China. Where is Nigeria?” 

“I think our President will get round to things.” 

“Let him buckle up. Your man should wake up.”

“You know I am more optimistic than you. What if the President wakes up tomorrow and he decides to shake up the Departments and Agencies. These are the real drivers of government. He can shake things up, so radically you would almost apologize for all your critical words.” 

“Forget apology. We are just saying the President should learn to do what is right at the right time, the right way and manner.That is the way forward.”

“I see. I see. I get it. But we will see”.